Light at the end of the tunnel..... Empty Nest, Be Kind to yourself and others

I hesitate to say it, as I’ve said it so often already, but there does seem to be light at the end of the tunnel, finally!!! Fully vaccinated now and feeling relieved and protected. I honestly couldn’t see any other way out of all this, if you are an anti-vaxxer and have decided not to take the vaccine, whilst I respect your decision, sort of, please tell me how you would have proceeded to get us out of this horrendous situation? Seriously, I’d like to know. Herd immunity was tried in places like Sweden and the Netherlands, and they still had to impose lockdowns, so that clearly didn’t work, apart from anything else with herd immunity (without vaccination) what would you have the most vulnerable do? Not to mention the need to protect our frontline workers and the overload on hospitals. You will of course piggyback on the backs of those of us that have had the vaccine, those of us that have stepped up with some trepidation, but to try to get us out of this nightmare, obviously I don’t include those that cannot take the vaccine for health reasons. Israel is having huge success with the vaccine roll out and seems to be coming out of the grip of the dreaded Covid, so I’m hopeful we’ll all be following suit soon, we have to remain hopeful, don’t we?

It’s been such a strange year, so many plans cancelled or postponed! A great deal of anxiety, sadness, and loneliness. A life rearranged, a different regime, a new and necessary lifestyle. Initially I thought it would all blow over in a couple of weeks, months possibly, but then one by one plans were cancelled. I took advantage of the times when cases were low to travel, go out, meet friends, with the obvious restrictions and necessary precautions, but it just kept coming back!! It has been a struggle for many, myself included, at first I embraced it but then at the beginning of this year and into the first few months, when we had been so hopeful for 2021 and then it started to look worse than 2020, I began to feel helpless and hopeless as opposed to hopeful. This pandemic has been horrendous, so much pain and loss, everyone has been affected in some way, some more than others. A year lost, for the elderly in our communities this is so hard as they have had little or no contact with their families and many have deteriorated because of it. A year of confusion for our little ones, a year of frustration for young people and stress for them over their education.

I had initially welcomed the lockdown, somewhat grudgingly, but I moved home and thought I could do things that had been shelved for so long, anything to fill the void, and so I did. I thought I’d knit a baby blanket; I’ve now done 6!! But then like so many others I became Covid weary, and it began to grind me down, I felt so vulnerable and scared. I don’t want my blogs to be depressing or ‘preachy,’ but I felt it was important to be open and honest. Nothing seemed to work but eventually and with the vaccine, support of family and friends, I began to start to feel a little better and I am now back to being ‘forever’ hopeful, so much so that I have begun to make plans from the middle of the year onwards, I felt I needed something to look forward to again as we begin to make our way out of this. Let’s hope we don’t mess this up now.

So, looking back at the original purpose of this Blog – Empty Nest Syndrome! It has been decidedly emptier than I had anticipated, my mind was incapable of seeing what was about to evolve when I started and what was initially meant to be light-hearted, and fun soon took on a completely different mantle! Again, many of us with family abroad have struggled, the zoom calls just aren’t quite the same, although they do help. Virtual birthdays, virtual Christmas, spent with loved ones on screens, not quite the same but better than nothing. I wonder how this will be remembered and looked back on in history??!! Charlie Chaplin once said, ‘Life is a tragedy seen in close up but a comedy in long shot’. Will we find the comedy element of all of this, I wonder?

I didn’t have as many visits from my overseas daughter, Sarah, as I thought I would, and that was extremely sad! Hotel Gilson temporarily closed. However, so as not to feel too depressed about that, I had to stop and think about what I actually enjoyed about my ‘empty nest’ the ‘pros & cons’ if you like. Well, less washing is a good one and I can’t remember the last time I did any ironing, the house staying just as you leave it, I sometimes enjoy the solitude, the no time restrictions, but in all honesty (and again being truthful) it leaves a gaping hole that nothing else can really fill. I know it’s the way it’s meant to be, I do, and you do adapt and get used to it, but you flounder a bit looking for a purpose, pondering what is next, if travel had been allowed, I perhaps would have pushed this feeling away with many overseas visits and more adventures, but maybe there’s a reason I had to stop and reflect on how it made me feel. We often dismiss our feelings too easily, but I have found it is better to fully embrace them and think about things, personally I believe they will just come out in another form if you fail to address them.

Since I’m now fully vaccinated, I can start to help out with childcare duties again, it gives me a purpose, nothing like seeing life through the eyes of a child, everything is simpler and children say what they think, whether you like it or not! For each of us our purpose is different, but don’t we all want to feel a sense of being useful, needed and wanted.

In the UK things are beginning to re-open whilst much of Europe is still in lockdown, and we step tentatively into the outside world again and reach out for those that we have loved and missed. Many may still feel anxious, myself included, that’s okay, take small steps in your own time, there’s no rush. Change things slowly and tell people how you are feeling if that helps. Above all ‘Be Kind’ both to yourself and others. Remember, good outweighs bad, light outshines darkness. Don’t try to take the weight of the world’s problems on your shoulders and if it helps turn off social media and the news for a while, it’s important to keep informed but not incessantly.

At the risk of repeating myself, I do think this time has helped us to focus on what is really important in life, and that’s not money or things, it’s the important people in our lives, times spent with others and memories made. Only when normal things are not normal anymore, do we realise how special normal things are.

I look forward to seeing you all soon and until then I’m once again sending virtual hugs.