LETTING GO...

In the immortal words of Elsa – “Let it go! Let it go! Can't hold it back anymore. Let it go! Let it go! Turn away and slam the door…” one of my granddaughter’s favourites at the moment. (Forgive me I'm currently in Disney mode!)

Seriously though, I readily admit that I’ve always had trouble letting go, be it an emotion, a memory, a person, or a thing - often keeping things well past the sell by date. I hang on to things or people almost scared to let them go, I believe it stems back to my childhood. I have a phenomenal memory for things from the past, grievances and things people had said or done to me - my brain has this uncanny knack of saving them!! It fails to retain anything remotely useful, and I will forget what I have gone into a room for these days, but it hangs on to what someone said to me in anger aged 13!! I don’t even know that person anymore.

My family - father, mother & brother, have always been able to shout at each other, have their say, no matter how harsh and move on! I can’t do that; I dwell on what’s been said and why. I relive moments and think of better ways to handle it, even after the event when by then it’s far too late, again something I have to work on, have my say and let it go.

I will be the first one to say how unhealthy this is, and yes, I know, but I’ve never been good at taking my own advice. However, I have been working on it and am happy to say that I have begun to let things go more often, sometimes there is no option but when there is we need to ask the question, ‘does this make me happy anymore?’ If the answer is no, then I thank it and wish it well (Marie Kondo style) and let it go.

When it comes to friends or relationships, I do especially like the Reason, Season, Lifetime analogy as follows: -

“When someone is in your life for a REASON, it is usually to meet a need you have expressed or just felt. They have come to assist you through a tough time, to provide you with guidance and support, to aid you physically, emotionally, or spiritually. They may seem like a godsend, and they are. They are there for the reason you need them to be. Then, suddenly, the person disappears from your life. Your need has been met; their work is done.

Some people come into your life for a SEASON, because your turn has come to share or grow or give back. They bring you an experience of peace or make you laugh. They may teach you something you have never done. They usually give you an unbelievable amount of joy. Believe it; it is real. But only for a season.

LIFETIME relationships teach you lifetime lessons—things you must build upon to have a solid emotional foundation.

Your job is to accept the lesson, love the person and put what you have learned to use in all your other relationships.

It is said that love is blind but friendship is clairvoyant.

Think about the people in your life over the years. Whether they were there for a reason, a season, or a lifetime, accept them and treasure them for however long they were meant to be part of your life.

And when they are gone, be thankful for the gifts you received from them when they were here—for a reason, a season, or a lifetime.” ~~ Author Unknown

So, when friendships drift apart or end, we can look at them in a different light. Rather than feel sorry, regret or try to hold on too much, we can look at what we brought each other. We can acknowledge the wonderful times, the reasons why we were good together for a period and why it’s now ok to move on.

There are times when it’s abundantly clear - even to me - that you just have to let someone in your life go! I’ve let go of some friends and family over the last couple of years that I never ever thought I would, but if they don’t support or respect you anymore then there’s no point holding on any longer. I do tend to give more chances than most to the people in my life, but then eventually even I will reach a point when I will say, ‘NO! enough is enough!’

You are absolutely allowed to terminate toxic relationships. If someone doesn’t respect you (no matter who they are), appreciate you and value you, then they absolutely don’t deserve you or your time anymore.

And remember, “Those that matter don’t mind, those that mind don’t matter.”

Until next time, be kind to yourself and honour yourself always!