Back on the rock, well it’s been 2 weeks and I’ve been meaning to write ever since, but finally I’ve managed to find the time! So, as promised an update on travelling! The travel part was fine, most people wore masks properly, the odd few didn’t but security (in Malta) were going around telling people to put their masks back on! The flight wasn’t full, on the way out there was a space between me and the other traveller, who as a pensioner, I felt hadn’t been partying in Paceville! (Malta’s nightlife centre, for those not in Malta) It was a slightly strange, muted version of the norm! Then coming back the plane was even quieter, a whole row to myself, which was good and I managed to sleep a little since we were delayed by a couple of hours, like many of you, once I know I’m coming back I just want to get back. ‘Beam me up Scotty’ is what I’m waiting for!! I struggled with my hand luggage case, duty free shopping and bag, and for the first time in my life I felt invisible as people rushed past me, I didn’t like it! I was feeling wretched enough and then from nowhere a beautiful young soul appeared, a young woman with a halo of blonde hair (there were plenty of men around, but this really appealed to the feminist side of me) she scooped up my case and carried it downstairs for me, there were 8 flights of stairs and having struggled down and then back up once already, I just felt that I couldn’t do it again! The lift wasn’t working, well I think you had to have a special key or something. Once on board she even lifted it into the overhead locker, with what seemed like no effort at all. I do not travel light! She was an angel and I told her so. The travel part of the journey was fairly straight forward, and I felt as safe as anywhere else really.
I don’t write this to elicit your sympathies but rather to empathise with anyone feeling the same way and at this very strange time I imagine many of us are struggling on occasions. It is okay not to feel okay and to ask for help if needed, or to take time out. Firstly, it was wonderful seeing my family again, 3 of whom are extremely vulnerable. I took a test to make sure that I was okay and then once it was negative I hugged Sarah, there’s nothing like hugging your kids, no matter how old they are, I actually think she needed it more than I did but we both benefited. It was good to be able to spend her birthday with her too. I spent most of my time just with my few family members, I did have a lovely socially distanced lunch with two very special friends and a BBQ with my extended family, outside and again not many of us, adhering to the Government guidelines. This was a very low-key trip for me.
But all too soon the 2 weeks had flown and my last night had arrived, I said goodbye to Sarah, with hopes of seeing her again in the not too distant future, my throat was thick with unshed tears and as I lay in bed that night and listened to the soothing rainfall, silent tears seeped from the corners of my eyes and travelled across the bridge of my nose, landing on my pillow. It is so very, very hard. This empty nest is a double-edged sword!! And I feel split into two because I have one child in Malta and one abroad. An ex-boss of mine used to say if only we could clone you, God rest his soul, never a truer word, I could do with being in three places at once! It will probably be possible one day in the very distant future, just like my car that folds into a briefcase from the Jetsons, I always wanted a car like that, but it doesn’t help me now!
On my last day in Birmingham I count down the hours, looking at the clock 18, 12, 6, 2, 1… and then I drive away with a heavy heart, I always wondered about the saying ‘heavy heart’ but I can honestly say I now know what it means, I have for a while, but it is such an awful feeling and it seems to get heavier as the years go by. I left telling myself that at least they were all okay and had got through the pandemic thus far and I had managed to see them.
Talking of cars, on a lighter note and to lighten the mood, I fell in love with a car!!! Most people know that I’m really not interested in cars as long as it gets me from A to B, I’m happy! But this car was so nice, so new and to my surprise had an automatic hand brake!!!! I had hired a car to avoid using public transport and to be able to take my mum out for a drive and visit Sarah, it made life so much easier and safer I believe. It was a beautiful dark blue VW Golf, I made friends with the lady at the car hire office and when I return, I’m going to ask her if I can have the same car!!
Thankful that my family were all safe, returning to Malta was made easier by the sheer delight on my grand-daughter’s face when she saw me again and her almost unbelieving shrieks of ‘Nan, nan’ doesn’t matter what you look like, what you are wearing, her love is such a pleasure to see and is written all over her gorgeous little face. How can you not spoil them??
During this pandemic so many emotions have surfaced, so many different opinions and theories in the media and even amongst the people I know and love. I have heard and listened to all sorts of things, I don’t listen to conspiracy theories as I think things can be manipulated to whatever you wish to read or believe, for every theory there is a counter theory. People get scared and panic ensues with shameless scaremongering! Denial, depression, paranoia, abound. At the end of the day it’s all about common sense and balance, sadly many seem to be lacking the commonsense gene. If you want to put yourself in danger that’s really your decision, but it is not right to endanger others. Unfortunately, it (the virus) doesn’t seem to be going away and with schools opening shortly we are all waiting to see the outcome of that, but I believe life has to start returning to a new ‘normal’.
Many are saying we need to just live life, but when you and family members fall into the vulnerable category and half of your family is abroad, that is difficult. I don’t think all the hype and media helps and I do question what we are being told, but again balance, you need to keep informed and follow the rules, but even then each one of us has the responsibility of keeping ourselves ‘safe’ and making informed decisions. I don’t think any country would willingly set out to destroy its own economy, what would be the reason behind that? If we can't agree we must just agree to disagree, just like Brexit, remember when that was our biggest concern?
I also don’t believe that we will be microchipped via a vaccine, I saw a post on social media that basically said “Bill Gates doesn’t need a vaccine to inject you with a microchip, Steve Jobs already sold you one for £1,000 and you love it!” Exactly I thought! It's called a smart phone. Every country has its own rules/guidelines, I created a ‘bubble’ in Malta, which doesn’t exist here, I pinched it from the UK!! Some social interaction is important for our mental health, as much as I enjoyed the isolation at the beginning, I’m not sure how I’d feel a second time around. I have however stocked up with hair colour, greetings cards for the rest of the year, wool, and other things, just in case! I’m not going to get into vaccines, I believe the science speaks for itself, smallpox has been eradicated thanks to vaccinations.
What has concerned me through all of this is people’s insensitivity to others, if you know that someone has lost someone or is struggling, be careful of what you say to them, they may be finding navigating this horror so much harder than you, they may also already suffer from mental health problems, I see it all the time on social media and have heard other stories from people I know. Please BE KIND!
Here in our little world, I went on the boat with Steve yesterday for the first time in many years! It was a compromise I’ve been nagging Steve to stop working so much, so when he took a couple of days off, I thought I would give it another try, I actually really enjoyed it. I stopped going as it was difficult to get to the boat and I suffer from motion sickness and boats are the worst, so since the boat has now moved, I took a tablet and we didn’t stay long. His driving at sea is better than his driving on terra firma! Our youngest, Sarah sent a message “2020 is definitely the weirdest year, you on the boat and in the sea!”
Next up I’m looking forward to the socially distanced wedding of my Godson next week and then a special birthday for my oldest, Becky! September should be a nice month and I’m ever hopeful that the last quarter of the year will be much better.
Stay Safe everyone and above all Be Kind!
Hugs 🤗 x