To commemorate baby loss awareness week this week, 9th - 15 October, and Pregnancy and infant loss Remembrance Day on the 15th of October, we take time to remember the babies we have lost during pregnancy or shortly after birth. Although as parents we never forget them and remember them often, it’s important to raise awareness of the impact this has on couples and families and to provide them with invaluable support at a time when it is much needed. 1 in 4 people in the UK experience pregnancy or baby loss. It is also estimated that 1 in 5 pregnancies end in miscarriage.
During this week charities, groups and organizations work together to raise awareness of key issues that affect people who have lost a baby and many iconic buildings will light up blue and pink to commemorate this week. Every year the week ends with the Wave of Light on the 15th of October, a moment which commemorates all the much-loved and much-missed babies. For some this is a private moment of reflection, while others share photos or videos of their candles on social media to connect with others taking part.
As many of you already know this is very close to my heart. One of the biggest things for me was, and still is, keeping the memory of my baby boy alive. Family and friends are often uncomfortable talking about this for fear of upsetting us and this can be hurtful, although understandable, words are not always easy to find. This year is also quite poignant for me as it marks the twenty first year of Baby Loss Awareness Week in the UK and it is also the year that my son would have celebrated his twenty first birthday.
One of the ways I honoured his memory this year was by publishing a book entitled 'Letters to Ian' I started to write to him to keep his memory alive, both for myself and as a way of channelling all the grief that I was trying to keep locked inside. It tells the story of how I navigated the all-encompassing heartache and pain, eventually coming out the other side with the help of family and friends. It is an unbearable grief at whatever stage you lose a baby, one which you will never forget. This is my account of how it affected me and my family.
My hope is that by sharing these letters and my thoughts that it may help others navigate their own grief and that it might in some small way help to bring comfort to those who have had the same experiences. We all deal with grief differently and what works for one person doesn’t necessarily work for another, this should be borne in mind whilst reading. This book is based on my own experience and personal views, containing the letters that I have written to him over the years, together with my own thoughts and reflections. During the next two weeks all profits from any books purchased will be donated to sands.org.uk
Writing to Ian has definitely helped me and I would like to share with you one of the poems from my book:
You Will be Okay
You will be okay,
No matter how intense the pain you currently feel.
You will be okay,
Time will eventually help to heal the wounds and put you back together.
You will be okay,
Whatever the future has in store for you.
You will be okay,
Hold on my dear and just take one step at a time.
You will be okay,
The world will keep turning around you even though you think it’s stopped.
You will be okay,
Just believe that better days will come, they most certainly will.
You will be okay,
You will smile again; you will laugh again one day.
You will be okay.
Janet Gilson 2023
The book is available from The Book Dragon in the UK online and in store and is also available from Amazon worldwide.
For anyone in Malta wanting a copy please pm me.
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